CCChat April 2025.pdf - Flipbook - Page 12
For me, the thing around domestic violence is that
we are, on the whole, not good at assessing the
dynamics of domestic violence, in this country. We
tend to lump everybody in as the same. I think that
there are nuances to people9s experiences- we
don9t assess what those dynamics are in that
family. I think that there are families where there is
coercion and control, where there isn9t necessarily
any violence because there doesn9t need to be,
because that control is so huge that people,
women mainly, are frightened but I think there are
other families, and I think this is where the trauma
stuff comes in, where, if you have grown up in a
household where you were traumatised and the
people who brought you up were traumatised, and
passing the trauma on, what are your norms? Your
coping strategies and the things you do to survive
are really unhelpful both in adult relationships and
as a parent.
If you have grown up in a household
where you were traumatised and
the people who brought you up
were traumatised, and passing the
trauma on, what are your norms?
Yes, that9s very true
So what happens at the moment is that, if your way
of resolving issues is through violence, it will be
classed as domestic violence. It is wrong but if no
one has ever spent any time telling you that there
are other ways that that relationship can be – and
this isn9t where there is power and control- this is
where there is violence without power and control,
that violence is a poor coping strategy that has
been learnt by living in households that are violent.
I agree with you. It really frustrates me
when you I see narratives like 8all abuse is
abuse9. There is a spectrum. You need to
look at the intention and you need to look at
where it is coming from.
Absolutely, and because we don9t assess the
dynamics very well, we don9t know that and just
lump it all together. Inspiring Families is a 10 week
assessment and they more or less go through the
same programme. It9s an educative programme so
at the end of that, we will be able to look at the
families we are working with and go, 8 You know,
there9s coercion and control here, he9s really
dangerous and we need to protect these children at
any cost. This isn9t going anywhere good.9 Or 8there
isn9t any power and control in this relationship but
there is violence and actually what we know is that
violence is always about alcohol and this person
had lots of adverse childhood experiences, and
when they9re stressed they turn to alcohol and there
is violence at that point and what we have to do is
we need to intervene with that alcohol.9
This person isn9t going to benefit from going on a
perpetrator programme, because that isn9t going
to help that person. What9s going to help that
person is if we can deal with the alcohol first. We
also make sure that the children are supported, so
we train people to run this and we go in at week 4
and week 10 and we help them make sure it is
appropriate for that family and we have had
amazing, amazing results. Some people need
locking up and the keys throwing away, and
unfortunately, sometimes we have to take the
children because, whatever is going on for her, she
isn9t able to protect the children.
We struggle to get this programme out there
because what we are saying isn9t very popular.
For me, the thing around domestic violence is that we are, on the
whole, not good at assessing the dynamics of domestic violence,
in this country. We tend to lump everybody in as the same.
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