CCChat April 2025.pdf - Flipbook - Page 22
OOPS
IT HAPPENED AGAIN
Coercive control is more than someone checking your phone or stopping
you from seeing your friends. When it is psychological abuse, such as
gaslighting, it can be hard to spot the signs and victims may not even
recognise that they are experiencing abuse.
We know that coercive control doesn’t have to
include physical abuse, although the threat of it
is often there. We often associate coercive
control with an abuser isolating a victim from
family or friends, controlling their finances,
monitoring and micromanaging or repeatedly
humiliating or degrading a victim.
Although we may have heard of the term
8gaslighting9 - manipulating a person into questioning
their own sanity, it can often be difficult to identify
because gaslighters are very adept at convincing
their victim that they are the problem, so it is often not
recognised.
THE EVENT PLANNER
Mia9s husband had managed to convince her family
and friends that she was neurotic and paranoid.
During their marriage he had frequently told her she
was 88losing it9 and needed a psychiatrist, but it was
not until she got out of that relationship that she saw
his pattern of abuse.
“Each time there was a big event or we were due to
go out with family or friends, he would start an
argument. Sometimes he would accuse me of
something I hadn’t done, and then if I denied it, he
would then tell me that the relationship was over and
start packing. He would frequently accuse me of
putting my children before him, or ignoring his needs
and undermining him and however hard I tried, I
could never explain or solve the argument which
would go on for hours. Sometimes he would tell me
it was over and drive off, but mostly he would tell me that
he didn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who,
for example, wouldn’t rinse out the cafetière or refused to
meditate. I would start to cry because I had no idea why
there was a row.
About an hour or so before we were due to leave for the
event, he would then apologise, beg my forgiveness and
tell me he loved me and wanted to be with me and that he
wanted to prove how much he wanted to be with me at
this event. By this point I had been crying for several hours,
my face would be puffy, red and blotchy and going out
was the last thing I wanted, but he would pressurise and
persuade me, telling me that if we did not go out, it was
proof that I didn’t want to be with him and because I was so
grateful the row was over, I would agree and get ready,
putting on make up on to try and hide the fact that I had
been sobbing for hours. Each and every time, as soon as
we got there, he would walk off and ignore me for the
whole occasion, leaving me feeling resentful and fuming.
It was only after we broke up that I was told he had been
telling everyone he was struggling with my erratic
behaviour and that my frequent puffy and tear-stained
appearances had been evidence of that.”
THE POKER PLAYER
Amy was terrified that her ex would break into her house
and hurt her. He was an avid poker player and one
morning she found a playing card outside her front door.
Over the next couple of days, she found them whenever
she went out. Terrified that he was waiting outside for her,22
she reported him to the police for stalking.
