CCChat April 2025.pdf - Flipbook - Page 33
They will stalk you and hurt you and
follow you and, at least if you’re living
with them, you’re able to see what
they are doing and are able to track
their movements and walk on
eggshells – you at least know that
devil, compared to the devil when
you’re hiding from them and they’re
trying to chase you.
That’s why you’ll see little kids who are
being abused, do that with their abuser
and they will maintain those little
secrets they have been told to keep
because that feeling of attachment also
comes with it and that is intoxicating
because we are genetically programmed
to want love and attachment. We need it
for our survival.
Yes, you’re able to monitor and
manage the situation which is much
more reassuring.
Abusive people are exploiting that need
that we have for love and they know that,
as humans, we all want it so they give it
and take it away and give it and take it
away. It is a bit like a slot machine where
people put in
money and there will be so much loss
but then there’s a win.
Yeah, it’s much, better to be closer
to the enemy and know where they are
then let your imagination run away
with that. It is incredibly hard for
when women leave, to try and feel safe,
because so many will try and stalk you
after. It’s incredibly rare that you’ll
leave and they just go "bye" and that’s
the end of it. It’s almost never like that.
They’re angry and they’re spurned and
they will come out with vengeance and
that is so terrifying they will want to go
back just to placate that person and
lessen that risk and be in a safer spot
that way, than have them chasing
them. The unknown is much scarier
than the known.
Do you think that all those
responses to danger – the fight or
flight, friend, flop do you think that the
response to friend someone comes
from a trauma bond?
Yeah, I mean that is trauma bonding,
when you fawn with them and try to
connect with that. That whole bond that
you’re making with that person, trying to
get into their brain and understand them
and empathise with them.
The feeling of winning is so
amazing, you carry on. You talked
earlier about it being hormonal. Is it
something, and this sounds really silly,
but can you take hormones to adjust
for it, like HRT? Is it possible that, if your
body is fluctuating between these
highs and lows, is it something that can
be regulated or is it that only therapy
can address it?
You can’t medicate away those
biological human responses. We have
cascades of hormones going on in our
body to modulate all sorts of things –
temperature, blood pressure, heart
rate and that’s just one of the things
that’s a survival mechanism, so it’s like
trying to regulate your blood pressure
or your temperature, that’s all homeostasis
– you don’t get to choose it. You can try
and impact it and you can try and do
things to help.
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