CCChat April 2025.pdf - Flipbook - Page 47
4. Disorganised/disoriented attachment
style
A disorganised/disoriented attachment
style, also referred to as fearful-avoidant
attachment style, stems from intense
fear, often as a result of childhood
trauma, neglect, or abuse. Adults with this
style of insecure attachment tend to feel
they don’t deserve love or closeness in a
relationship.
Someone with a disorganised
attachment style, likely never learned to
self-soothe emotions, so both
relationships and the world around them
can feel frightening and unsafe.
If the primary caregiver was dealing with
unresolved trauma themselves, it can
lead to the intense fear associated with a
disorganised or disoriented attachment
style.
Often the parent acted as both a source
of fear and comfort for you as an infant,
triggering the confusion and
disorientation you feel about
relationships now. In other cases, the
parental figure may have ignored or
overlooked the infant’s needs, or their
erratic behaviour could have been
frightening or traumatising.
You probably find intimate
relationships confusing and
unsettling, often swinging between
emotional extremes of love and hate
for a partner.
You may be insensitive towards your
partner, selfish, controlling, and
untrusting, which can lead to
explosive or even abusive behavior.
And you can be just as hard on
yourself as you are on others.
You may exhibit antisocial or negative
behaviour patterns, abuse alcohol or
drugs, or prone to aggression or
violence.
Others may despair at your refusal to
take responsibility for your actions.
While you crave the security and
safety of a meaningful, intimate
relationship, you also feel unworthy of
love and terrified of getting hurt again.
Your childhood may have been
shaped by abuse, neglect, or trauma.
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