CCChat April 2025.pdf - Flipbook - Page 48
Causes of insecure attachment styles
There are many reasons why even a
loving, conscientious parent may not be
successful at creating a secure
attachment bond with an infant. The
causes of the insecure attachment could
include:
Having a young or inexperienced
caregiver, lacking in the necessary
parenting skills.
Your caregiver experienced
depression caused by isolation, lack
of social support, or hormonal
problems, for example, forcing them
to withdraw from the caregiving role.
Your primary caregiver’s addiction to
alcohol or other drugs reduced their
ability to accurately interpret or
respond to your physical or emotional
needs.
Traumatic experiences, such as a
serious illness or accident which
interrupted the attachment process.
Physical neglect, such as poor
nutrition, insufficient exercise, or
neglect of medical issues.
Emotional neglect or abuse. For
example, your caregiver paid little
attention to you as a child, made
scant effort to understand your
feelings, or engaged in verbal abuse.
Physical or sexual abuse, whether
physical injury or violation.
Separation from your primary
caregiver due to illness, death,
divorce, or adoption.
Inconsistency in the primary
caregiver. You experienced a
succession of nannies or staff at
daycare centers, for example.
Frequent moves or placements. For
example, you constantly changed
environment due to spending your
early years in orphanages or moving
between foster homes.
Things you can do, if you have an
insecure attachment style
If you recognise an avoidant-dismissive,
disorganised, or anxious attachment style
in either yourself or your romantic
partner, it’s important to know that it is
possible to change and you can develop
a more secure attachment style as an
adult.
There are plenty of things you can do on
your own to build a more secure
attachment style, If you don’t have
access to appropriate therapy.
Education is key
Learn all you can about your insecure
attachment style. The more you
understand, the better you’ll be able to
recognise and do something to break the
patterns of the reflexive attitudes and
behaviours of insecure attachment that
may be contributing to your relationship
problems.
The following can also help with
developing a more secure attachment
style:
Improving your nonverbal
communication skills
One of the most important lessons
gleaned from attachment theory is that
much of the quality of the relationship
depends on the understanding of non
verbal communication.
When you interact with others, you
continuously give and receive wordless
signals via gestures, posture and eye
contact. These nonverbal cues send
strong messages about what you really
feel.
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